100 Things About Me: a journey into narcissism

(btw, the formatting and general idea for this post I stole directly from Eyre Affairs. Bwah-ha-ha!)

1.) There are screech owls in the trees across from our house that screech at me every night.
2.) I used to hate Jack Johnson, now I’m a fan.
3.) I once went to a church where the members surrounded me and yelled for Satan to leave this boy.
4.) I like to eat peanut butter and jelly on graham crackers.
5.) Peas are what they are serving in hell.
6.) My favorite Christmas album is a tie between Phil Spector and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
7.) I still read comic books. And I always will.
8.) I don’t believe in love at first sight. But I do believe that you can energetically love someone before you see them.
9.) I’ve seen the first two seasons of Queer as Folk.
10.) I’m addicted to pizza.
11.) The most beautiful sound in the world is laughter that comes out of nowhere.
12.) One of my favorite movies is “Ishtar.”
13.) My favorite Simon and Garfunkel song is “The Only Living Boy in New York.”
14.) My favorite book of the Bible is Ecclesiastes.
15.) I don’t like pina colodas or getting caught in the rain.
16.) I was Creon in a college production of “Antigone.”
17.) I play the Talking Heads song “Naïve Melody” anytime I move into a new place, just like it was done in “Wall Street” when Charlie Sheen moved into his new apartment.
18.) “Great Books” by David Denby changed my life.
19.) Sometimes I’ll see something funny in a movie and I’m the only one laughing.
20.) My favorite Emily Dickinson poem is “Much Madness is Divinest Sense.” (Not sure of the number.)
21.) I love garlic.
22.) I have the world’s ugliest suitcase. It was cool in the ‘70’s. But no one would ever steal it.
23.) Balboa Park is the coolest park on earth. Kick ass zoo, museums, the missions, and on outdoor amphitheater devoted to a pipe organ? What’s not to love?
24.) I have a Plymouth Voyager mini-van that has a Jesus fish and a Resevoir Dogs sticker on it.
25.) I always thought Kiss was overrated. And Gene Simmons is a no-talent ass clown.
26.) This last spring break, I drove around 3000 miles, which, I believe, is the equivalent to the Proclaimers walking 500 miles.
27.) I’ve never been to Canada.
28.) I’ve met Michelle Pfieffer and Anthony Hopkins.
29.) My favorite books include Lolita, The Grapes of Wrath, and Catch-22.
30.) When I was a kid, me and my friends Denny and Aaron, rode out on our bikes to the drive-in theater to sneak a peek at “Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life” and subsequently got eaten up by mosquitoes.
31.) I love New Yorker magazine.
32.) I’ve gotten somebody a bowling trophy as a present before.
33.) My favorite recipe is vegetarian pesto lasagna.
34.) My friend Mike and I both collect autographs.
35.) I’ve read all the original Hardy Boys mysteries.
36.) The best sushi I ever ate was in San Diego.
37.) Dolls are creepy.
38.) Talking childrens’ toys sound satanic when their batteries run down. Trust me.
39.) I used to work in a semiconductor plant.
40.) I believe the difference between infatuation and love is one of pain.
41.) I like Orange Crush but I cannot find it anymore.
42.) I’m currently writing a comic book with my artist friend Aaron, who is drawing it.
43.) “Lord of the Flies” makes me uneasy.
44.) Sometimes I wonder if my dead sister can hear me.
45.) My favorite couple is Bogie and Bacall.
46.) I lost my shorts in the Nile. No, really.
47.) Four more movies and I’ll have seen every Woody Allen film.
48.) When I met Michelle Pfieffer I asked her to sign my “Grease 2” album.
49.) I drink more iced tea than anything.
50.) I’ve been to Area 51. (well, to the fence, at any rate.)
51.) Sometimes I’ll crack open a road atlas, look at the maps, and travel in my mind.
52.) I got a D in swimming.
53.) I got a C in Rollerskating.
54.) I love to smell the coffee, even when I’m already awake.
55.) Sometimes, inexplicably, the theme music for the NBC Nightly News runs through my head.
56.) I’ve never seen a zombie movie. (Sorry, Waylon.)
57.) When we were teens, my friends Waylon, Jeff, and Satina assisted me in breaking into the condemned Junior High building in the middle of the night. We had to ply the boards off with a crowbar.
58.) Melissa Gilbert is hot.
59.) I am the least mechanically inclined male I know. And I’m including the gay ones.
60.) I went to the Gay Pride Parade in San Diego in 2002 with Satina and Shannon.
61.) Root Beer barrels rock.
62.) I have a catchphrase that I stole from my friend Waylon. It is: “I’m duly chagrined.”
63.) When I’m really sick, I put on Mozart’s Requiem.
64.) My favorite apples are Fuji.
65.) I once wrote an x-rated X-Files fanfic where Scully strips for Mulder at Disneyland. It was called “The Happiest Place on Earth.”
66.) I can’t stand Bill O’Reilly, but I must admit, without him, we never would have had the hilarious Stephen Colbert show.
67.) I have an embarrassing array of Sharpies.
68.) I have an “I shot J.R.” mug, but I do not know who shot J.R.
69.) After three hours of trying to put my computer desk together, I wanted blood. (other than my own.)
70.) Funny shit: Father Ted, Arrested Development, Ishtar, My Cousin Vinny, Curb Your Enthusiasm (I know…I lose credibility with Ishtar, don’t I? Just watch it, it’s great!)
71.) I’ll buy albums even though I do not have a turntable.
72.) Purple onions and cucumbers in red wine vinegar are wonderful.
73.) When I was a kid I lost my Han Solo in Hoth outfit action figure. Every now and then I think about it.
74.) I had a slingshot when I was a kid. (Note: never give a slingshot to a kid.)
75.) System of a Down’s “B.Y.O.B” is a fun song to sing in the car when you’re sitting in traffic.
76.) I once got a phone call from Joey Bishop. LOL, no really!
77.) I wish I could go back in time (and space) to visit ‘70’s era NYC. I’d haunt CBGB’s.
78.) The greatest television season finale belongs to “Twin Peaks.”
79.) I think “Vanity Fair” would make an excellent Broadway musical.
80.) I hope on this year’s Treehouse of Horror they do a Saw parody with Krusty.
81.) I once stayed at the Westward Ho in Las Vegas. They had a comedy show which they described as “ho-larious.”
82.) I’ve had a catheter ablation done. So did Tony Blair a couple years back.
83.) I’ve been known to tear up when I hear the “humming chorus” from Madama Butterfly.
84.) Typically, if a show isn’t available as a podcast or DVD, I’m not watching it.
85.) My dream dinner party would be Mel Brooks, Leni Reifenstahl, Dave Barry, Madeline Albright, Larry David and Malcolm X.
86.) Sometimes I think it’d be cool if Carly Simon hooked up with Art Garfunkel.
87.) The Family Circus is so unfunny it makes me angry. But then I realize how angry I am and I lauuuuuugh.
88.) I would love to visit Carhenge.
89.) I’m pretty convinced that there was unresolved sexual tension between Jo and Blair on the Facts of Life.
90.) When I’m tired I say really goofy thinks like: “I want to go to the school of Bon Jovi. I’m going to get a degree in Bad Medicine.”
91.) Why nobody has done a gay production of “Romeo and Juliet,” I don’t know.
92.) The Chieftains kick ass in concert.
93.) It’s not fun to drive a Uhaul and trailer over the Donner Pass. Or through L.A. at 3:30 on a Friday afternoon. Trust me.
94.) I can dill pickles every August.
95.) I’ve never taken drugs. I once tried to smoke a joint, did it wrong, and achieved a state between ennui and opprobrium.
96.) I once met Joan Baez.
97.) A birthday party with out-of-control, hopped-up-on-sugar children can be as terrifying as Iraq.
98.) I did open-mic stand up every week for 6 months.
99.) I wasn’t that good. But neither was anyone else, so I fit right in.
100.) That g-damn Snuggle bear creeps me out.