Nakedmanatee's Blog o' Mirth.

In which one man, through a series of holistic misadventures, attempts to break the barriers that hinder communication using only a computer, a handful of Wheat Thins--sun-dried tomato flavor, and the Talking Heads CD, "More Songs About Buildings and Food." Guest starring Rita Moreno as herself.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

How Much Do *YOU* Know About Thomas Jefferson?


Not nearly enough, my friend, not nearly enough. Take this QUIZ and test your Jefferson Quotient, yo!

1.) Thomas Jefferson was the ________ President.

a. 2nd
b. 3rd
c. 45th
d. funky

2.) In 1772, Thomas Jefferson married __________.

a. Sally Hemings
b. Dolley Madison
c. Martha Skelton
d. Red Skelton

3.) In Thomas Jefferson's 2nd term, who was Vice-President?

a. Aaron Burr
b. George Clinton
c. Bootsy Collins
d. Chuck Norris

4.) Jeffeson resided in his Virginia plantation home, commonly known as _____________.

a. Tara
b. Monticello
c. Monte Cristo
d. The Love Shack

5.) It is rumored that Thomas Jefferson had an affair with ____________.

a. Sally Struthers
b. Sally Hemings
c. Harriet Tubman
d. Isabel Sanford
e. All of the above

6.) Thomas Jefferson was the main author of what famous document?

a. The Gettysburg Address
b. Declaration of Independence
c. The Starr Report
d. The South Beach Diet

7.) Thomas Jefferson founded _________.

a. the University of Virginia
b. the Church of Latter-Day Saints
c. Microsoft
d. the 1st Hooters

8.) Despite his progressive viewpoints, Jefferson owned ________.

a. stock in Enron
b. slaves
c. an SUV
d. Ann Coulter books

9.) Of his 6 children, only 2 __________.

a. liked him
b. could name the presidents
c. lived to adulthood
d. became singer-songwriters Hall and Oates

10.) Jefferson's negotiations with France led to ___________.

a. The building of the Statue of Liberty
b. The Louisiana Purchase
c. Long-sustained wackiness
d. President's day sales on all new vehicles

11.) It was believed that the father of Sally Hemings was really ___________.

a. Thomas Jefferson
b. Darth Vader
c. John Wayles
d. John Waite
D. George Jefferson

12.) As President, Thomas Jefferson suspended trade with France and England because of __________.

a. The British Navy's impressment of American sailors
b. The Great War of the Dirigibles
c. low self-esteem
d. An ill-advised horoscope reading in Poor Richard's Almanac

13.) Jefferson negotiated the Louisiana Purhcase offering only ____________.

a. 5 bucks
b. Nova Scotia
c. 15 million dollars
d. his undying love

14.) One of Jefferson's critics was a young ___________.

a. Walt Whitman
b. William Cullen Bryant
c. Rush Limbaugh
d. hobbit named Frodo

15.) In 1998, DNA evidence from the Jefferson and Hemings families proved ___________.

a. that Jefferson had the gene for "fun"
b. that Strom Thurmond had a relationship with Sally Hemings
c. inconclusive
d. that Sally Hemings and Thomas Jefferson both liked Pina Colodas and getting caught in the rain

9 Comments:

Blogger ThursdayNext said...

Dude, I could have sworn that he was the lead singer for a psychedelic band named after him and an aircraft carrier, also known as a slang term for what he REALLY grew on his plantation in Monticello. (ahem)

Considering he played Woodstock, I would say he is quite funky, wouldn't you?

7:44 PM  
Blogger Marty said...

Now you did it!
I LOOOOVE quizzes!
(Especially wiseacre-ish ones. It IS a word! Why? Cause I just said so.)

1) B
2) C
3) A
4) B
5) B
6) B
7) A (but I love D!)
8) B (but I love C!)
9) C (A!! Killing me!)
10) B (D! Lordy.)
11) C
12) A
13) A
14) A
15) C (Love D)

Extra Bonus Points:
I grew up in Madison, VA, which is about a 1/2 hour from Charlottesville. So C Ville is like home. We support UVA in all things. But, being the liberals we are, we're a little sick of the 'Jefferson is God' commentary. And we believe he did nail the slaves. But like I said...we're pretty liberal and believe in conspiracy theories. My parents got me into X Files, after all. How cool are they?

Thanks for the quiz. ;)

8:55 PM  
Blogger Slim said...

So what are the friggin' answers? My history knowledge is awful, and I know that some of the choices are spoofs (right?) but I'm SOOOOO not posting answers here. Any misconceptions that people have about my intelligence level would be de-bunked, and I'm not ready for that!

9:01 PM  
Blogger David said...

Amy: I think early drafts of the Declaration of Indpendence would later become the song "Somebody to Love." And yes, Jefferson was the inventor of the "Freedom Bong." And you don't get funkier than that.
(On a sidenote... does anybody remember Schoolhouse Rock? They had an awesome song called "The Preamble" which was about the constitution. I love that song. Just sayin'.

Marty: Hey, I'm glad you dug the quiz. You got all of them correct except for 3! Pretty darn smokin'! And yes, I love conspiracy theories too. Your parents got you into X-Files? What great parents! :)

WiP: I like to think I know a lot about history, but then I watch Jeopardy and am routinely humiliated. So I think I would just *like* to know a lot about history. Marty had the right answers except for these: #3, which is a tricky question. I asked for his 2nd term VP. Aaron Burr was his first and got shoved off the ticket during the second term election by Republicans who favored NY governor George Clinton. I also complicated matters by putting down Bootsy Collins as an answer which could lead someone to think that I was referring to funk godfather George Clinton. ;) #13 is C-- 15 mil. #14 is B, William Cullen Bryant. Bryant is nowhere near as famous as Walt Whitman, but you can usually find one of Bryant's kick-ass poems, "Thanatopsis" in various anthologies. Your more comprehensive American Lit classes should give a shout-out to him.

11:58 PM  
Blogger ThursdayNext said...

Loved. Schoolhouse. Rock.

3:49 AM  
Blogger Slim said...

Thank you David, for expanding my mind.

And does anyone else find it hilarious to see a comment from Thursday Next with the word "Dude" in it? Made me laugh.

You're so multi-dimensional Amy!

4:03 AM  
Blogger David said...

Amy: Right on. :D Another Schoolhouse Rocker. I could probably write a whole post on it. "Sufferin' 'til Suffrage," "Interplanet Janet," and "Three is a Magic Number" are my faves.

WiP: Y'know I was laughing at seeing Amy's words right next to the picture of Jane Eyre, as if she was the one commenting. I heard it in my mind as "duuuuuude" though. :)

5:00 AM  
Blogger Marty said...

I missed three!??

Well. I'm not afraid to show my ignorance. For example: What is a driver on a computer? And where is it driving my computer? And who IS that little paper clip guy on Word, anyway?

Hmm. And I just got a job doing PC Services for CC. Note to self: Study Up.

11:46 AM  
Blogger David said...

Marty: I wrote this quiz about a year ago for a class and I had to refresh my memory on some of them so don't feel bad.

Paper clip guy? What paper clip guy? Do you see the paper clip guy now? ;)
Congrats on the PC job. Maybe you can help me with my computer. Whenever I type in "naked pictures of Paris Hilton" into a search engine, all I get is starkly decorated French hotels.

Shan: Never underestimate the universal power of Hall and Oates.

10:50 PM  

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